Don't Expect the People Around You to Understand

So now you know that you have ADD. You have read up on it, spoken to your doctor, you may even have seen a specialist and you are on some kind of treatment plan. Whether you have chosen the natural treatment plan or the medication treatment plan, your entire life is being restructured and renewed. It is an exciting adventure and at the same time, it is a daily journey of unexpected surprises. Remember, you are giving your brain the dopamine it always needed, however, you have functioned with this malfunction all of your life. Give yourself time to adapt to the changes. I suggest you write them down daily. Be honest with yourself.

If you read, "My Journey with Ritalin" written a few articles below, you will see that I faced many changes in my behaviour and in my thinking. For example, before, my impulses allowed me to be quick on come backs in conversation. Sometimes that was good, sometimes that was bad, sometimes that was extremely painful. Now, I can stop and think before I speak. I am a lot more effective in discussions. I don't feel the need to tell people my life story because they engaged me in conversation. I am a lot wiser and I am a better listener. That being said, it was an adjustment to see this slower thinking process as a good thing. It was uncomfortable not to have anything to say when others were speaking. It was new to have time to think before speaking. At first I felt at a disadvantage that I wasn't as quick to think; then I started to see that it could work in my favour.
Emotionally, I had often covered up bad or painful feelings with my sense of risk taking and spontaneity. I would make everyone feel better using my overload of energy to entertain their pain away. Not long after I started taking Ritalin, I began feeling the pain when I was hurt. I couldn't bury it like I used to. I didn't feel responsible for helping other people out of their moods.
Anger was coming out of me and I had a hard time controlling it. Much of my life I thought anger was a wasted emotion. So I had to get real about why I was angry and I'm still learning how to express my anger without hurting others.

As I am going through my changes, the people around me don't have a marker to remind them that my brain is readjusting to life, and I think differently. I don't have a visual reminder like a bump on my face or a missing limb. All of my markers are on the inside. To look at me, you would think I'm "normal". So a lot of the time, others are not adjusting with me. They are going about their life with the same frame of reference about me as before my changes began. Sometimes that really frustrates me. I want a little slack. I want extra kindness and consideration. I find myself desperately needing reassurance and encouragement often. The only thing you can do in those instances, is ask. Remind the person that you are entering a new world and you would like to have a few minutes to think about what just happened. Take the time you need, then come back ready to apologize for your part of the issue and listen to how the other person is feeling. Try this: Park your emotions behind you: Repeat what they just said to make sure you understood correctly. Let them correct you if need be: Validate their point of view. That means you will say...I can see you would feel this way because... REMEMBER, be willing to listen without cutting the other person off. This is harder than it seems. Often the other person will appreciate just knowing that you were willing to listen attentively. It makes them feel important. Now when it's your turn to speak, ask them to repeat what you said. If they didn't hear you correctly, adjust what they said. Ask them if they understand why you are feeling this way. This method of discussion often works for me when I think to use it.
I also recommend that you take time to find some positive affirmations to read off to yourself every morning and at other times of the day if you need it. If you felt like a screw up a lot of your life, you need to get rid of all the negative tapes in your head. Replace them with positive messages. I love the Joyce Meyer affirmations. You can find them on www.joycemeyer.org Joyce was abused growing up. She was an angry, bitter and selfish woman for many years. When she turned her life around, she decided to share all of the tools that helped her recover.
For many years, I would wake up to her 6:45am radio show and for 15 minutes, she gave me the encouragement I never got growing up. It was like she was re-parenting me. Her website is filled with free articles, videos and radio shows to cheer you on.

Be good to yourself; forgive yourself; set yourself up for success every day.
Share your journey.Diane F.