Do you ever have that sense of just wanting to latch onto someone and never letting them go? Do you ever have that deep desire to feel a warm body beside you so desperately, that you would convince yourself that this person cares about you, knowing deep down they really don't? I've experienced this so many times in my life and it's gotten worse as I have gotten older.
I thought it was because I had this deep need for true heart to heart intimacy and men just couldn't handle that. WRONG!!! I have found men with ADHD who feel that way too and they get used and abused by women just like I have gotten used and abused by men. Now I'm thinking it's related to ADHD so I want to share my findings with you.
Before I begin, let me remind you that I can only speak from my own personal experiences and from what other ADHDers in my circle, have revealed to me.
First, it appears to be that people with ADHD are more opened about their real feelings. The expression, "You wear your heart on your sleeve" applies to us. Second, for those of us who struggle with impulsive behavoiur, it's easy to blurt out what we're thinking at any given moment.
The impulsive behaviour is something we have to learn to control. It may mean practicing slowing down our mind and finding ways to focus on what other people are saying. Really hearing someone is not like listening to them. By really hearing someone, you can learn a lot and you can relate to them a lot better. I found 12 Step programs great for practicing my listening skills. Everyone must take an uninterrupted turn of 3 to 5 minutes. You may have to listen to 3 or 4 or 6 people speak before it's your turn. Sounds hard, though it taught me that it can be done. If you have a hard time sitting and waiting a long time without doing or saying anything, I suggest you carry a stress ball. It is quiet and almost unnoticeable. Don't forget to do at least one hour of vigorous exercise such as swimming laps, biking, running or sports every day. That activates the mind and will help you calm down and focus. I also recommend Omega 3s. You need at least 5000mg per day. The liquid form is more economical and if you take it in Flaxseed oil, you can use it in salads if you don't like taking it straight.
Here's a big problem. We don't seem to have good judgement about boundaries. We get hurt a lot because of how vulnerable we make ourselves to others as we share too openly our lives, our thoughts and our visions. Why do we do this? I believe it's because we desperately desire closeness and acceptance in relationships. Again yesterday I heard a teen ADHDer say that she reveals her entire tainted past to people so they can get to know her quicker. I asked why that was so important and she said so she can connect or get close to people quickly. Wow! That's exactly the wrong thinking I grew up with that led me to sexual addiction and feelings of failure and aloneness.
If you are doing this, STOP!!! Unless you have tested someone to make sure they are safe, DO NOT divulge your life story. DO NOT put yourself into a vulnerable position with someone you don't know for sure is safe. DO NOT sleep with someone thinking they really care because they did something nice for you or because they gave you something special. As ADHDers, we need so much encouragement and acceptance for who we are, that we convince ourselves that people's nice gestures or words mean they love us before we test people to know if that's really true. Has anyone ever told you that you are naive or gullible? This may be why. It's really bad boundaries. I found a lot of good help with that from a book called, "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. They also wrote, "Boundaries for Children" and "Boundaries for Couples" which are both very helpful if you find yourself having problems setting limits with your children or with your spouse. Remember that many people don't set limits in relationships for fear that the other person will leave them. If someone cannot respect your boundaries, you shouldn't be with them. Boundaries are necessary for you to be in control of yourself. In the past, my lack of self-control allowed other people to control me. Self-control will set you free from the abuse of others.
I want to share three important things from Boundaries, which may be related to ADHD:
My biggest revelation has been the difference between closeness and intimacy. Like so many people who are looking for love in all of the wrong places, I thought my insatiable need for closeness WAS intimacy. The book explains that closeness is something we get from being physically close to someone. It makes us feel warm and fuzzy and so close to that person, which explains the deep need for sex. Intimacy is the real heart to heart sharing back and forth for the purpose of getting to know and understand each other. Intimacy happens over time, as people reveal themselves gradually. It builds trust and assurance that someone likes you for who you are. Then whether you have sex or not doesn't matter. You enjoy each other on a much deeper level. There is security and reassurance in intimacy that is not always found in closeness. Closeness can be felt with a one night stand whereas intimacy cannot.
I wish someone would have told me this when I was growing up. Luckily for me, my husband is an intimacy seeker. This has really stretched me because I can't just hide in closeness, I have to give him my heart which makes me vulnerable. As an ADHDer, I don't like emotional pain. Vulnerability sometimes produces emotional pain. How do I do it? I am kind to myself when I fail and I celebrate myself when I don't succeed. Every day I start over. I'm determined to keep my commitment to my marriage. My husband is a good man. He loves me even when I don't feel like he does. Sometimes my feeling fool me. I have to check for the truth in my brain.
My second revelation was how to balance a relationship with oneness and seperatness. All these years, I thought marriage meant spending as much time together as possible. I thought it was a sacrifice of what we love individually, to find things we enjoy together. This is my ADHD latch on behaviour at its peak. It leaves me either waiting anxiously at home for my husband to return; or it leaves me hurrying up frantically wherever I am to rush back home to my husband, feeling badly for having left him alone. In either situation, I cannot enjoy myself. The book helped me understand that for a marriage to have balance, each person needs to have 50% of togetherness and 50% of separateness. Each partner does things that they enjoy, on their own which creates some time for missing each other; and the time together creates the need for separateness. It is very unhealthy for one partner to work toward 100% togetherness. This will usually prompt the other partner to desire 100% separateness. Now I can stop waiting for my husband to come to ballroom dancing lessons and I can enjoy my ladies' tap class. This will help me enjoy my life a lot more and I'm sure it will put less pressure on my husband.
The third revelation is how to express your true feelings. Have you ever spent hours and hours discussing an issue with someone and thinking you were very clear with them about your feelings and nothing was resolved? Think back at how you expressed your feelings. Did you use words like, "I feel like he's..."? That's not how you feel but how you see him. When you say, "I feel that you..." you are putting the responsibility for your problem on the other person. To expressing a true feeling and produce discussion and intimacy, you must be ready to identify YOUR feeling. I feel sad, afraid, hurt, lonely... Using such language will allow you to speak about your responsibility for the issue. It's harder than it sounds. Sometimes, I can't pin point my exact feelings until I have gone through all of the feelings on a chart.
I hope this helps you. I really encourage you to read, "Boundaries".
Diane
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Struggles With Meds
Well, I'm struggling! I don't want to be on medication so I took the Biphentin one day, then decided if I caught up on my sleep I'd be able to regain my inner peace and I wouldn't need the meds. There is some truth to that. My mind is clearer with consistently restful sleep. Exercise is also a big factor. I haven't fully regained my regular exercise time. I need to work on that.
So I caught up on my sleep and caught some kind of flu. Another excuse?! I'm not sure. Do I really need the medication? Am I in denial? Can I have an orderly, consistent life without meds? I've decided to wait it out for another month.
If you've had this kinds of confusion before. Please email me and share.
Diane
So I caught up on my sleep and caught some kind of flu. Another excuse?! I'm not sure. Do I really need the medication? Am I in denial? Can I have an orderly, consistent life without meds? I've decided to wait it out for another month.
If you've had this kinds of confusion before. Please email me and share.
Diane
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
ADHD and Losing Control
Ahhh! It's good to be back. So much has happened since my husband's heart attack almost 11 months ago. I won't even try to catch up.
I will tell you that my husband's heart attack changed my perspective of who the real me is; of who my real friends are; and of what my real fears are.
My biggest fear is having to live in the real world. As realistic as I am, I love to appreciate the little things in life. It's like my real joys I find in simple things that happen, mostly when I am alone. I am finding that being with people is usually some level of work. I don't feel permitted to be myself with most people. All of my life, I have heard comments such as; stay still, relax, calm down, grow-up, slow down, stop talking, stop cutting me off when I am speaking, can you listen?!, stop twitching and so on. Those messages have NEVER helped me in any way. They have just made me feel unacceptable, unloved, misunderstood, unimportant and mostly insignificant. I have fought a constant battle to feel good about myself. All of those lies people inputted into my brain have not served me well. I have spent years believing and feeding them, until I found out that the Bible holds the promises that God has made to every human being...including me. God made me this way, because he needed me on earth to complete the human race. Each one of us is carefully planned out in God's mind...right down to the last detail. He knows how many hairs are on each of our heads and he actually gathers up all of our tears in a jar. I imagine my jar is absolutely bigger than any jar I can imagine. He is an appochable, loving and extremely graceful Parent. Not at all like the God of limits and condemnation I was taught about. I don't want to preach so I'll get on with my story. Just know that I DO matter...a lot. So do you. The Bible and accepting God as my best friend are the two things that have built me up. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I walk in a bubble of love 24/7, just because God won't take it away. What more can I ask for?! I can't shrug that off. I can't ignore it! I feel it and walk in it no matter what's going on or how I feel. I know who I am in Christ. My job is to find out who others are in Christ so I can love them the way Christ loves me. CAN YOU EVEN WRAP YOUR HEAD AROUND THAT!!! It blows my mind.
In December 2008, I decided to stop taking Biphentin. I did extremely well on it for a year as the doctor gradually increased my dosage to 60mgs. At 60mgs, I was feeling sad, hurt, weepy...I was depressed. I would start to cry for nothing. I was also experiencing anxiety. The third week of my new dose, I realized I needed to go back down to 50mg. Of course, the good doctor thought I should remain on 60mg of Biphentin and add an antidepressant to my meds. How dumb is that! I had to insist that he lower my dose which he did, and the depression went away within a few days; however the anxiety came and went. It bothered me a lot and I didn't want to stay on medication all of my life. I thought maybe I could take all of the great listening skills, relaxation techniques, organizational patterns I had developed while on medication and apply them to my life without the medication. Are there any other ADHDers who see the logic of this? Surely I'm not alone.
So in December of 2008, I took myself off medication. I decided I would make sure to get my 5000ml of Omega3 fish oils per day, I would exercise vigorously at least 1 hour every morning to get my dopamine rush to clear my mind and I would be fine.
It worked well for a few months then gradually, old patterns creeped back into my life. The past month I've been a mess. I have been under a lot of pressure at work. I'm a Teacher/filler in of wholes. I haven't been sleeping as well. That's never good. My mind is racing on and off again. I cut people off when they are speaking even if I really want to hear what they have to say. My attention span is almost non-existant. AAAAAHHHHHHH! I hate that! I can't seem to pace my time, my focus or my plans. I am starting to feel like I frustrate a lot of people around me, especially my spouce. Notice that it's my perception...when I'm in chaos mode, I don't feel very good about myself. When coming across things I really believe in, I over-focus on them and forget everything else I am doing or have planned. I can't find peace inside my mind.
Tonight, I just want to cry and be held by God. I need more reasurance that everything will be ok, than any human being can give me. Do you ever feel that way?! I am so greatful I have my parents, God. No that's not a mistake. God is neither man or woman. He is Spirit; everything encompassed in man and woman. I don't feel like there is anyone I can speak to about this or go to for understanding and reasurance. If you're reading this and you have an ADD, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Thanks for understanding.
I'm sorry I don't have a better solution for you. I'm going back on Biphentin tomorrow. I can't stand to be with myself and that's never good. I'm just happy I know there is a drug that can help me function and enjoy my life. Imagine being sick and every day, you get worse. It could last for years with no cure in sight. My friend Ken died of cancer in the brain. My friend Charlie died of AIDS. OK! I'm being a suck about having ADHD and having to take meds. I reread this and I see that I'm so dramatic. It's part of my passion which us ADDers call over-focus.
Please pray for me. Pray that I get to write on here once a week. I don't really know why I blog. I am compelled to do it thinking it might help someone. Hopefully you.
Feel free to leave me a comment or to email me.
I really wish you a day filled with peace.
Diane
I will tell you that my husband's heart attack changed my perspective of who the real me is; of who my real friends are; and of what my real fears are.
My biggest fear is having to live in the real world. As realistic as I am, I love to appreciate the little things in life. It's like my real joys I find in simple things that happen, mostly when I am alone. I am finding that being with people is usually some level of work. I don't feel permitted to be myself with most people. All of my life, I have heard comments such as; stay still, relax, calm down, grow-up, slow down, stop talking, stop cutting me off when I am speaking, can you listen?!, stop twitching and so on. Those messages have NEVER helped me in any way. They have just made me feel unacceptable, unloved, misunderstood, unimportant and mostly insignificant. I have fought a constant battle to feel good about myself. All of those lies people inputted into my brain have not served me well. I have spent years believing and feeding them, until I found out that the Bible holds the promises that God has made to every human being...including me. God made me this way, because he needed me on earth to complete the human race. Each one of us is carefully planned out in God's mind...right down to the last detail. He knows how many hairs are on each of our heads and he actually gathers up all of our tears in a jar. I imagine my jar is absolutely bigger than any jar I can imagine. He is an appochable, loving and extremely graceful Parent. Not at all like the God of limits and condemnation I was taught about. I don't want to preach so I'll get on with my story. Just know that I DO matter...a lot. So do you. The Bible and accepting God as my best friend are the two things that have built me up. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I walk in a bubble of love 24/7, just because God won't take it away. What more can I ask for?! I can't shrug that off. I can't ignore it! I feel it and walk in it no matter what's going on or how I feel. I know who I am in Christ. My job is to find out who others are in Christ so I can love them the way Christ loves me. CAN YOU EVEN WRAP YOUR HEAD AROUND THAT!!! It blows my mind.
In December 2008, I decided to stop taking Biphentin. I did extremely well on it for a year as the doctor gradually increased my dosage to 60mgs. At 60mgs, I was feeling sad, hurt, weepy...I was depressed. I would start to cry for nothing. I was also experiencing anxiety. The third week of my new dose, I realized I needed to go back down to 50mg. Of course, the good doctor thought I should remain on 60mg of Biphentin and add an antidepressant to my meds. How dumb is that! I had to insist that he lower my dose which he did, and the depression went away within a few days; however the anxiety came and went. It bothered me a lot and I didn't want to stay on medication all of my life. I thought maybe I could take all of the great listening skills, relaxation techniques, organizational patterns I had developed while on medication and apply them to my life without the medication. Are there any other ADHDers who see the logic of this? Surely I'm not alone.
So in December of 2008, I took myself off medication. I decided I would make sure to get my 5000ml of Omega3 fish oils per day, I would exercise vigorously at least 1 hour every morning to get my dopamine rush to clear my mind and I would be fine.
It worked well for a few months then gradually, old patterns creeped back into my life. The past month I've been a mess. I have been under a lot of pressure at work. I'm a Teacher/filler in of wholes. I haven't been sleeping as well. That's never good. My mind is racing on and off again. I cut people off when they are speaking even if I really want to hear what they have to say. My attention span is almost non-existant. AAAAAHHHHHHH! I hate that! I can't seem to pace my time, my focus or my plans. I am starting to feel like I frustrate a lot of people around me, especially my spouce. Notice that it's my perception...when I'm in chaos mode, I don't feel very good about myself. When coming across things I really believe in, I over-focus on them and forget everything else I am doing or have planned. I can't find peace inside my mind.
Tonight, I just want to cry and be held by God. I need more reasurance that everything will be ok, than any human being can give me. Do you ever feel that way?! I am so greatful I have my parents, God. No that's not a mistake. God is neither man or woman. He is Spirit; everything encompassed in man and woman. I don't feel like there is anyone I can speak to about this or go to for understanding and reasurance. If you're reading this and you have an ADD, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Thanks for understanding.
I'm sorry I don't have a better solution for you. I'm going back on Biphentin tomorrow. I can't stand to be with myself and that's never good. I'm just happy I know there is a drug that can help me function and enjoy my life. Imagine being sick and every day, you get worse. It could last for years with no cure in sight. My friend Ken died of cancer in the brain. My friend Charlie died of AIDS. OK! I'm being a suck about having ADHD and having to take meds. I reread this and I see that I'm so dramatic. It's part of my passion which us ADDers call over-focus.
Please pray for me. Pray that I get to write on here once a week. I don't really know why I blog. I am compelled to do it thinking it might help someone. Hopefully you.
Feel free to leave me a comment or to email me.
I really wish you a day filled with peace.
Diane
Monday, July 7, 2008
Wow! My Husband Had a Heart Attack!
Having ADHD makes me very good in crisis, so I don't freak out when faced with crisis. Maybe it's because the adrenalin rush sends the proper amount of dopamine to the correct parts of my brain. I'm not sure how it all works in my brain, I only know that I can make better, quicker and clearer decisions when crisis strikes. The fact that I grew up in chaos most likely helps.
So my husband has a heart attack at 4 am on a Friday morning and I'm just being very efficient and sequential. He was vomiting so I got him a bucket and got him to the car; I came inside and reasured the kids and asked the older one to put the younger one back to bed; I got dressed and made sure I had my wallet and his for all his health information; then I got him to the hospital. For him, this must have been the longest 7 minutes of his life. For me, I had to make sure everything else was ok so I could focus on him without worry. At the hospital, I was in quiet mode. I just kept reminding him to take deep breaths, let go of his body and to focus on God. I'm told that not everyone can seperate themselves from their body not to feel pain. I can. I think I've been able to do that since I was young. That's why I don't often feel pain. I can overfocus on something and forget everything around me. I can take a mental voyage and bring myself to my safe place where nothing can touch me or reach me. It's something I have had to stop doing if I wanted real relationships with people. It's been a process to learn how to accept and deal with pain. My 12 step program, Celebrate Recovery, has helped me with that. "Accept the things I cannot change".
So the Friday of the heart attack and the Saturday after, I didn't allow myself to feel anything. I had mental lists to take care of to ensure everyone and everything would be taken care of and my husband would not worry about anything.
Day three I felt exhausted and like I was ready to burst. No one had been there for me. In spite of all the well wishes and prayers offered, no one was physically there for me. That first day, I was so hungry just waiting around at the hospital, no one came with food. My mom would probably have, but she's older, can't drive and has MS. In the movies people are always in the waiting room, ready to feed you, to organize the kids and to let you cry on their shoulder. No one was there to let me cry on their shoulder. I felt like I didn't have permission to cry. So I had a reality check. People with ADHD often live in fantasy. So that day, I went to visit my husband at the hospital and just cried and cried and cried. I am wondering if that was too much stress for a man who just had a heart attack. So I am having to re-evaluate my thoughts on isolation. I would rather be alone than with people. The only person in the world that I trust to accept and love me as I am is my husband. Maybe that's too much for one man to take. He suggested many women in my life whom he felt would be good to cry with. On my way home, I just couldn't imagine what to say or how to approach someone to just sit and cry. The fact remains that I may have to build a deeper friendship with another woman. I may have to learn to trust someone else. I have been trying for four years. My ADHD has caused many people in my life growing up, to reject and hurt me, and to take advantage of me. Totally trusting is hard.
Yesterday, I was feeling resentful about it. I had to remind myself that not everyone has the impulses, the boldness and the intensity that I have. I wonder if people were afraid to come and sit with me. I don't know but it made me so grateful that I have ADHD. It also made me realize that I too have probably fallen short on just sitting with someone in need. Next time someone is waiting for a loved one at the hospital, I will do my best to show up with food and just sit there. I am learning that being builds a relationship while doing often builds walls.
Diane F.
So my husband has a heart attack at 4 am on a Friday morning and I'm just being very efficient and sequential. He was vomiting so I got him a bucket and got him to the car; I came inside and reasured the kids and asked the older one to put the younger one back to bed; I got dressed and made sure I had my wallet and his for all his health information; then I got him to the hospital. For him, this must have been the longest 7 minutes of his life. For me, I had to make sure everything else was ok so I could focus on him without worry. At the hospital, I was in quiet mode. I just kept reminding him to take deep breaths, let go of his body and to focus on God. I'm told that not everyone can seperate themselves from their body not to feel pain. I can. I think I've been able to do that since I was young. That's why I don't often feel pain. I can overfocus on something and forget everything around me. I can take a mental voyage and bring myself to my safe place where nothing can touch me or reach me. It's something I have had to stop doing if I wanted real relationships with people. It's been a process to learn how to accept and deal with pain. My 12 step program, Celebrate Recovery, has helped me with that. "Accept the things I cannot change".
So the Friday of the heart attack and the Saturday after, I didn't allow myself to feel anything. I had mental lists to take care of to ensure everyone and everything would be taken care of and my husband would not worry about anything.
Day three I felt exhausted and like I was ready to burst. No one had been there for me. In spite of all the well wishes and prayers offered, no one was physically there for me. That first day, I was so hungry just waiting around at the hospital, no one came with food. My mom would probably have, but she's older, can't drive and has MS. In the movies people are always in the waiting room, ready to feed you, to organize the kids and to let you cry on their shoulder. No one was there to let me cry on their shoulder. I felt like I didn't have permission to cry. So I had a reality check. People with ADHD often live in fantasy. So that day, I went to visit my husband at the hospital and just cried and cried and cried. I am wondering if that was too much stress for a man who just had a heart attack. So I am having to re-evaluate my thoughts on isolation. I would rather be alone than with people. The only person in the world that I trust to accept and love me as I am is my husband. Maybe that's too much for one man to take. He suggested many women in my life whom he felt would be good to cry with. On my way home, I just couldn't imagine what to say or how to approach someone to just sit and cry. The fact remains that I may have to build a deeper friendship with another woman. I may have to learn to trust someone else. I have been trying for four years. My ADHD has caused many people in my life growing up, to reject and hurt me, and to take advantage of me. Totally trusting is hard.
Yesterday, I was feeling resentful about it. I had to remind myself that not everyone has the impulses, the boldness and the intensity that I have. I wonder if people were afraid to come and sit with me. I don't know but it made me so grateful that I have ADHD. It also made me realize that I too have probably fallen short on just sitting with someone in need. Next time someone is waiting for a loved one at the hospital, I will do my best to show up with food and just sit there. I am learning that being builds a relationship while doing often builds walls.
Diane F.
Monday, May 19, 2008
When Ritalin Doesn't Work
There was a time when Ritalin was a great help to my son M. Just 60mg per day made it easier for him to focus and retain information. He was tuning out and daydreaming a lot less. He was able to begin a task and see it through til the end. He no longer procrastinated and procrastinated to get things done. This was a major break through for M.
However, a few months after being on Ritalin, he noticed that he was frustrated often and falling asleep was difficult.
Here is a description of how M's days at school, grade 12, became while he was on Ritalin:
In the morning, he was able to focus in on what the teacher was teaching.
By 2pm he was feeling a lot of anxiety and just wanted to go home and be alone. Everything and everyone around him became annoying.
By evening, he was feeling depressed.
He went to see a counsellor twice. She wasn't helpful. I suspect she didn't know how to help people with ADD. Many counsellors will admit that they don't know a lot about ADD and how it affects people.
So my son was only on Ritalin for about six months when he decided to stop taking it. I believe that for him, this was a wise choice.
Shortly after, his old problems came back. He couldn't focus and he couldn't get things started. He would lose himself in his distraction and not look after his responsibilities. He knew what he should be doing to make his life easier, yet he just couldn't get started.
He gave me the example of his homework. He was very much aware that he needed to do his homework for his grades to be high enough to stay in the program he's specializing in. He said he would get home from school around 4pm very frustrated. He would turn to his distraction for awhile to calm down. He would eat supper and plan to do his homework in a little while. Three hours would go by and he knew he should get into his homework but he couldn't. Eventually, five hours would go by, bed time would come and the homework never got done. He really wanted to do the homework. It was like something was stopping him from getting up and starting it. His grades were being affected.
We decided to see our general practitioner and ask for M to see the ADD specialist that I saw. It takes two months to see the specialist. Meanwhile, I asked if M could be put on Stattera. It is not in the amphetamine family like Ritalin. It is a blocker. Our doctor didn't know much about this but he was willing to comply.
Strattera is only about three years old and from what I read, it is supposed to be the best drug for ADD on the market. (I'm sure I'll have a future article on this as I learn about it.)It is said that it takes more than 2 weeks of taking Strattera every day for it to have any effect. M says he saw an effect within the first week. M has been taking Strattera for about five weeks and is satisfied with his progress so far, however he is not yet on the full dose. A small dose of Strattera is taken for ten days, then increased about every three weeks until you reach the maximum dosage for your size. Some side effects are nausea and sleeplessness. M. has not had side effects.
M is choosing to use drugs to help him with his ADD. Please understand that drugs are not a cure. From my research and my experience, drugs can help tremendously when used in conjunction with a vigorous exercise program - at least 30 minutes a day, though an hour is better; and a well thought out daily schedule to put order in your life. I would also recommend taking up to 5000mg a day of Omega 3s. You can buy this oil at a health food store. I like to make sure it is certified because of the mercury found in some fish. I also recommend a support group of whatever is most difficult in your life. If you have a specific addiction, find a program in your area that deals with that addiction. You may want to call around and find a counsellor who knows about ADDs or call the Mental Health Center in your area. I have been to a few counsellors in my life time. Some were better than others. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Some churches may be able to help you. My program of choice now is Celebrate Recovery. There may be one in your area.
Don't give up. You're worth fighting for! It does get better!
Diane F.
However, a few months after being on Ritalin, he noticed that he was frustrated often and falling asleep was difficult.
Here is a description of how M's days at school, grade 12, became while he was on Ritalin:
In the morning, he was able to focus in on what the teacher was teaching.
By 2pm he was feeling a lot of anxiety and just wanted to go home and be alone. Everything and everyone around him became annoying.
By evening, he was feeling depressed.
He went to see a counsellor twice. She wasn't helpful. I suspect she didn't know how to help people with ADD. Many counsellors will admit that they don't know a lot about ADD and how it affects people.
So my son was only on Ritalin for about six months when he decided to stop taking it. I believe that for him, this was a wise choice.
Shortly after, his old problems came back. He couldn't focus and he couldn't get things started. He would lose himself in his distraction and not look after his responsibilities. He knew what he should be doing to make his life easier, yet he just couldn't get started.
He gave me the example of his homework. He was very much aware that he needed to do his homework for his grades to be high enough to stay in the program he's specializing in. He said he would get home from school around 4pm very frustrated. He would turn to his distraction for awhile to calm down. He would eat supper and plan to do his homework in a little while. Three hours would go by and he knew he should get into his homework but he couldn't. Eventually, five hours would go by, bed time would come and the homework never got done. He really wanted to do the homework. It was like something was stopping him from getting up and starting it. His grades were being affected.
We decided to see our general practitioner and ask for M to see the ADD specialist that I saw. It takes two months to see the specialist. Meanwhile, I asked if M could be put on Stattera. It is not in the amphetamine family like Ritalin. It is a blocker. Our doctor didn't know much about this but he was willing to comply.
Strattera is only about three years old and from what I read, it is supposed to be the best drug for ADD on the market. (I'm sure I'll have a future article on this as I learn about it.)It is said that it takes more than 2 weeks of taking Strattera every day for it to have any effect. M says he saw an effect within the first week. M has been taking Strattera for about five weeks and is satisfied with his progress so far, however he is not yet on the full dose. A small dose of Strattera is taken for ten days, then increased about every three weeks until you reach the maximum dosage for your size. Some side effects are nausea and sleeplessness. M. has not had side effects.
M is choosing to use drugs to help him with his ADD. Please understand that drugs are not a cure. From my research and my experience, drugs can help tremendously when used in conjunction with a vigorous exercise program - at least 30 minutes a day, though an hour is better; and a well thought out daily schedule to put order in your life. I would also recommend taking up to 5000mg a day of Omega 3s. You can buy this oil at a health food store. I like to make sure it is certified because of the mercury found in some fish. I also recommend a support group of whatever is most difficult in your life. If you have a specific addiction, find a program in your area that deals with that addiction. You may want to call around and find a counsellor who knows about ADDs or call the Mental Health Center in your area. I have been to a few counsellors in my life time. Some were better than others. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Some churches may be able to help you. My program of choice now is Celebrate Recovery. There may be one in your area.
Don't give up. You're worth fighting for! It does get better!
Diane F.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Helpful Insight With or Without Medication
Doctor Edward Hallowell, has fantastic insight on how to live with Attention Deficit Disorder with or without medication.
This is a great article about how to understand and live with ADD by making important life changes. When I realized my life was unmanageable, I was willing to do whatever I had to to get out of chaos. If that's where you are, I suggest you visit the doctor's website www.drhallowell.com
Your support team; parents, spouces, children, teacher, siblings, coworkers and others can get helpful insight and advice as well.
Thoughts on Addiction and ADD
by Dr. Edward Hallowell
A recent cover story in Time Magazine, “How We Get Addicted” from their July 16, 2007 publication, got me thinking about addictions again. Specifically, those with ADHD and addictions. Addictions are common in adults who have ADD, and near-addictions and intermittent substance abuse are more the rule than the exception. This may be because of an inborn physiological problem that makes finding pleasure in ordinary ways much more difficult for the person who has ADD than for the person who doesn’t have it.
It is interesting that brain scans of addicts suggest that they have reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex. People with ADHD also show reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex.
This is the part of the brain that controls rational thoughts that can override impulses. It is unclear whether addiction causes this reduced activity or whether reduced activity, such as you see with ADHD, helps lead to addiction due to low impulse control. In any event, we do know that rates of addiction are significantly higher for those with ADHD than for those without.
Though addiction commonly refers to substance abuse or behavioral addictions like sex and gambling, there are other kinds of non-traditional pseudo-addictions that you might consider “treating” if you have ADD.
Some adults with ADD cannot let go of their sense of unworthiness, behaving as if they were addicted to feeling shame, guilt and unworthiness.
Some adults with ADD are addicted to conflict. Wherever they go, they instigate an argument. They have insight into the problem, but they can’t stop doing it – as if they are addicted to the negative feelings associated with interpersonal conflict.
Some adults with ADD can’t stop procrastinating. No matter how many systems they put into place, they find themselves getting into a frenzy to do things at the last minute. They seem addicted to the pain of the last minute crisis.
For all of these addictions, I ask you to consider these ideas. The first is the power of connection. Human connection, in the form of friendships, memberships, involvement in relationships and groups where you are deeply valued and understood are critical for the person who is trying to overcome an addiction of any kind. Fellowship is the best and safest “drug” we have.
Medications can also help. We have come a long way in our ability to prescribe medications that treat the subtle kinds of desperation, depression and anxiety that can lead to self-medication.
Exercise can help a great deal – it’s one of the best tonics we have for the mind and soul. Aerobic exercise stimulates the production of various chemicals in the brain providing both sensations of pleasure in the brain and increasing focus. Nutritional interventions, such as omega-3 fatty acids help stabilize moods.
I have seen 12-step programs, such as the one used by Alcoholics Anonymous, used with great effect, even for those who are dealing with the less-traditional ADD behaviors that seem like addictions. These programs are not for everybody, but I urge people to think twice before they dismiss a 12-step program. Whether a person suffers from a true addiction – to alcohol, other drugs, food, sex, gambling, shopping, work, exercise or whatever – or behaves as if he were addicted to some of the negative feelings created by symptoms of ADD, he may find that a 12-step program allows him to let go of whatever it is he has been unable to let go of so far.
THE END
My 12-step program of choice is Celebrate Recovery. It is similar to any 12-step program except that it is Christ centered. Everyone there, no matter how little or how much they know about God, trusts in Jesus Christ for full recovery. Each step is followed up by a Bible principle to help you through your journey. Celebrate Recovery is a family based program for people of any or no denomination. The belief is that everyone needs to heal from something whether it be divorce, drug abuse, codependency, abuse; any hurts, hangups and habits. The idea is that no one has to do it alone. My prayer is to have an ADD support group at our Celebrate Recovery program.
The Canadian site is www.celebraterecovery.ca
The American one is www.celebraterecovery.com
God bless,
Diane
This is a great article about how to understand and live with ADD by making important life changes. When I realized my life was unmanageable, I was willing to do whatever I had to to get out of chaos. If that's where you are, I suggest you visit the doctor's website www.drhallowell.com
Your support team; parents, spouces, children, teacher, siblings, coworkers and others can get helpful insight and advice as well.
Thoughts on Addiction and ADD
by Dr. Edward Hallowell
A recent cover story in Time Magazine, “How We Get Addicted” from their July 16, 2007 publication, got me thinking about addictions again. Specifically, those with ADHD and addictions. Addictions are common in adults who have ADD, and near-addictions and intermittent substance abuse are more the rule than the exception. This may be because of an inborn physiological problem that makes finding pleasure in ordinary ways much more difficult for the person who has ADD than for the person who doesn’t have it.
It is interesting that brain scans of addicts suggest that they have reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex. People with ADHD also show reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex.
This is the part of the brain that controls rational thoughts that can override impulses. It is unclear whether addiction causes this reduced activity or whether reduced activity, such as you see with ADHD, helps lead to addiction due to low impulse control. In any event, we do know that rates of addiction are significantly higher for those with ADHD than for those without.
Though addiction commonly refers to substance abuse or behavioral addictions like sex and gambling, there are other kinds of non-traditional pseudo-addictions that you might consider “treating” if you have ADD.
Some adults with ADD cannot let go of their sense of unworthiness, behaving as if they were addicted to feeling shame, guilt and unworthiness.
Some adults with ADD are addicted to conflict. Wherever they go, they instigate an argument. They have insight into the problem, but they can’t stop doing it – as if they are addicted to the negative feelings associated with interpersonal conflict.
Some adults with ADD can’t stop procrastinating. No matter how many systems they put into place, they find themselves getting into a frenzy to do things at the last minute. They seem addicted to the pain of the last minute crisis.
For all of these addictions, I ask you to consider these ideas. The first is the power of connection. Human connection, in the form of friendships, memberships, involvement in relationships and groups where you are deeply valued and understood are critical for the person who is trying to overcome an addiction of any kind. Fellowship is the best and safest “drug” we have.
Medications can also help. We have come a long way in our ability to prescribe medications that treat the subtle kinds of desperation, depression and anxiety that can lead to self-medication.
Exercise can help a great deal – it’s one of the best tonics we have for the mind and soul. Aerobic exercise stimulates the production of various chemicals in the brain providing both sensations of pleasure in the brain and increasing focus. Nutritional interventions, such as omega-3 fatty acids help stabilize moods.
I have seen 12-step programs, such as the one used by Alcoholics Anonymous, used with great effect, even for those who are dealing with the less-traditional ADD behaviors that seem like addictions. These programs are not for everybody, but I urge people to think twice before they dismiss a 12-step program. Whether a person suffers from a true addiction – to alcohol, other drugs, food, sex, gambling, shopping, work, exercise or whatever – or behaves as if he were addicted to some of the negative feelings created by symptoms of ADD, he may find that a 12-step program allows him to let go of whatever it is he has been unable to let go of so far.
THE END
My 12-step program of choice is Celebrate Recovery. It is similar to any 12-step program except that it is Christ centered. Everyone there, no matter how little or how much they know about God, trusts in Jesus Christ for full recovery. Each step is followed up by a Bible principle to help you through your journey. Celebrate Recovery is a family based program for people of any or no denomination. The belief is that everyone needs to heal from something whether it be divorce, drug abuse, codependency, abuse; any hurts, hangups and habits. The idea is that no one has to do it alone. My prayer is to have an ADD support group at our Celebrate Recovery program.
The Canadian site is www.celebraterecovery.ca
The American one is www.celebraterecovery.com
God bless,
Diane
Monday, May 5, 2008
What is Dopamine and How Does It Affect ADD?
Dopamine?
Neurological research has identified over 50 kinds of neurotransmitters. Scientists have found that several neurotransmitters are directly related to mental health problems. These specific neurotransmitters are Dopamine, Serotonin, Norepinephrine, and Gamma Aminobutyric Acid. A shortage or excess of these neurotransmitters are thought to be responsible for emotional disorders such as anxiety, depression, ADDs, social anxiety and mood disorders.
Dopamine is a type of neurotransmitter. It is a chemical messenger that is similar to adrenaline and affects the brain processes that control movement, emotional response, and the capacity to feel pleasure and pain. Dopamine is vital for performing balanced and controlled movements. A shortage of dopamine can cause a lack of controlled movements such as those experienced in Parkinson disease.
Dopamine moves into the frontal lobe and regulates the flow of information coming in from other areas of the brain. A shortage or problem with the flow of dopamine can cause a person to lose the ability to think rationally, demonstrated in schizophrenia. Also, an excess of dopamine in the limbic system and not enough in the cortex may produce a suspicious personality and possible paranoia. A shortage of Dopamine in the frontal lobe can reduce one’s memory. An increase of dopamine into the frontal lobe relieves pain and boosts feelings of pleasure.
Mr Van Der Borne
Can you pick out how your ADD is affected by your neurotransmitters?
Let me highlight what I have suffered in my lifetime:
- emotional disorders such as anxiety, depression, ADDs, social anxiety and mood disorders. - I have had all of these at one time or another in my life however, not all at once.
- lack of controlled movements - I have ticks.
- emotional response - Much of my life was like an emotional
roller coaster. One of my biggest problems was that I couldn't stop my mouth from saying whatever my emotions were bringing out.
- the capacity to feel pleasure - Growing up, I used sex to feel pleasure. Being impulsive, it lead to a life of destruction. Other people don't care about your feelings or about your body. They will use you for a time and your fix for pleasure is very temporary. I started purifying my life about five years ago. There is a longer lasting effect in feeling pleasure in daily wonders. Now I feel pleasure while watching birds, ants, flowers, nature's colour schemes. Sometimes I lay down on the grass, sand, snow... and I feel like I am becoming part of the earth. I feel the ground beneath me with my hands. I hear the sounds, smell the air, watch whatever is around me. I am in awe of God and His perfect creation. I learned persistance from ants...I think they have ADHD.
I love to feel the water against me when I am taking a bath. It's soothing.
I also take pleasure in watching someone learn something for the first time. In recovery, I get to see people's lives change. I get to see people who thought they were garbage transform into strong, secure people.
Dancing makes me feel free and alive.
- the capacity to feel pain - For most of my life, I toughened myself up. That was valued in my family. I didn't feel physical pain or emotional pain. I refused to.
When I hit my thirties, I went through some very difficult times and I felt the pain so deeply it would take me into a trance like state. I would have to let the pain penetrate to my very core and leave it there for a long while and feel it. It made me feel alive; it also made me feel depressed. I don't know why my need to feel all of the pain was so strong. I just know I'm glad it left. Just a few years ago, I started allowing myself to feel my emotions as they came. As for pain, my refusal to feel physical pain has left me with chronic pain on most of the right side of my body. It restricts me to a point but I am not one to just sit down and die. I am in physiotherapy now and I am trusting that I will be well soon. The biggest problem about denying pain is that it catches up to you as you age; emotionally and physically. I work hard daily to balance my feelings, including pain.
As you see, my ADD fits the bill for problems with my neurotransmitters, specifically Dopamine. I suggest you go through each issue and see how neurotransmitters are affecting you.
Be happy! Diane F.
Neurological research has identified over 50 kinds of neurotransmitters. Scientists have found that several neurotransmitters are directly related to mental health problems. These specific neurotransmitters are Dopamine, Serotonin, Norepinephrine, and Gamma Aminobutyric Acid. A shortage or excess of these neurotransmitters are thought to be responsible for emotional disorders such as anxiety, depression, ADDs, social anxiety and mood disorders.
Dopamine is a type of neurotransmitter. It is a chemical messenger that is similar to adrenaline and affects the brain processes that control movement, emotional response, and the capacity to feel pleasure and pain. Dopamine is vital for performing balanced and controlled movements. A shortage of dopamine can cause a lack of controlled movements such as those experienced in Parkinson disease.
Dopamine moves into the frontal lobe and regulates the flow of information coming in from other areas of the brain. A shortage or problem with the flow of dopamine can cause a person to lose the ability to think rationally, demonstrated in schizophrenia. Also, an excess of dopamine in the limbic system and not enough in the cortex may produce a suspicious personality and possible paranoia. A shortage of Dopamine in the frontal lobe can reduce one’s memory. An increase of dopamine into the frontal lobe relieves pain and boosts feelings of pleasure.
Mr Van Der Borne
Can you pick out how your ADD is affected by your neurotransmitters?
Let me highlight what I have suffered in my lifetime:
- emotional disorders such as anxiety, depression, ADDs, social anxiety and mood disorders. - I have had all of these at one time or another in my life however, not all at once.
- lack of controlled movements - I have ticks.
- emotional response - Much of my life was like an emotional
roller coaster. One of my biggest problems was that I couldn't stop my mouth from saying whatever my emotions were bringing out.
- the capacity to feel pleasure - Growing up, I used sex to feel pleasure. Being impulsive, it lead to a life of destruction. Other people don't care about your feelings or about your body. They will use you for a time and your fix for pleasure is very temporary. I started purifying my life about five years ago. There is a longer lasting effect in feeling pleasure in daily wonders. Now I feel pleasure while watching birds, ants, flowers, nature's colour schemes. Sometimes I lay down on the grass, sand, snow... and I feel like I am becoming part of the earth. I feel the ground beneath me with my hands. I hear the sounds, smell the air, watch whatever is around me. I am in awe of God and His perfect creation. I learned persistance from ants...I think they have ADHD.
I love to feel the water against me when I am taking a bath. It's soothing.
I also take pleasure in watching someone learn something for the first time. In recovery, I get to see people's lives change. I get to see people who thought they were garbage transform into strong, secure people.
Dancing makes me feel free and alive.
- the capacity to feel pain - For most of my life, I toughened myself up. That was valued in my family. I didn't feel physical pain or emotional pain. I refused to.
When I hit my thirties, I went through some very difficult times and I felt the pain so deeply it would take me into a trance like state. I would have to let the pain penetrate to my very core and leave it there for a long while and feel it. It made me feel alive; it also made me feel depressed. I don't know why my need to feel all of the pain was so strong. I just know I'm glad it left. Just a few years ago, I started allowing myself to feel my emotions as they came. As for pain, my refusal to feel physical pain has left me with chronic pain on most of the right side of my body. It restricts me to a point but I am not one to just sit down and die. I am in physiotherapy now and I am trusting that I will be well soon. The biggest problem about denying pain is that it catches up to you as you age; emotionally and physically. I work hard daily to balance my feelings, including pain.
As you see, my ADD fits the bill for problems with my neurotransmitters, specifically Dopamine. I suggest you go through each issue and see how neurotransmitters are affecting you.
Be happy! Diane F.
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